Two Gentlemen of Verona By William Shakespeare Act III: Scene 1

LAUNCE.
That makes amends for her sour breath.

SPEED.
'Item, She doth talk in her sleep.'

LAUNCE.
It's no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk.

SPEED.
'Item, She is slow in words.'

LAUNCE.
O villain, that set this down among her vices! To be slow
in words is a woman's only virtue. I pray thee, out with't; and
place it for her chief virtue.

SPEED.
'Item, She is proud.'

LAUNCE.
Out with that too: it was Eve's legacy, and cannot be ta'en
from her.

SPEED.
'Item, She hath no teeth.'

LAUNCE.
I care not for that neither, because I love crusts.

SPEED.
'Item, She is curst.'

LAUNCE.
Well; the best is, she hath no teeth to bite.

SPEED.
'Item, She will often praise her liquor.'

LAUNCE.
If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not, I will;
for good things should be praised.

SPEED.
'Item, She is too liberal.'

LAUNCE.
Of her tongue she cannot, for that's writ down she is slow
of; of her purse she shall not, for that I'll keep shut. Now of
another thing she may, and that cannot I help. Well, proceed.

SPEED.
'Item, She hath more hair than wit, and more faults
than hairs, and more wealth than faults.'

LAUNCE.
Stop there; I'll have her; she was mine, and not mine,
twice or thrice in that last article. Rehearse that once more.

SPEED.
'Item, She hath more hair than wit' —

LAUNCE.
More hair than wit it may be; I'll prove it: the cover of
the salt hides the salt, and therefore it is more than the salt;
the hair that covers the wit is more than the wit, for the
greater hides the less. What's next?

SPEED.
'And more faults than hairs.' —

LAUNCE.
That's monstrous! O, that that were out!

SPEED.
'And more wealth than faults.'

LAUNCE.
Why, that word makes the faults gracious. Well, I'll have
her; an if it be a match, as nothing is impossible, —

SPEED.
What then?

LAUNCE.
Why, then will I tell thee, — that thy master stays for thee
at the North-gate.

SPEED.
For me?

LAUNCE.
For thee! ay, who art thou? He hath stay'd for a better man
than thee.

SPEED.
And must I go to him?

LAUNCE.
Thou must run to him, for thou hast stayed so long that
going will scarce serve the turn.

SPEED.
Why didst not tell me sooner? Pox of your love letters!

[Exit.]

LAUNCE.
Now will he be swing'd for reading my letter. An unmannerly
slave that will thrust himself into secrets! I'll after, to
rejoice in the boy's correction.

[Exit.]

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At the end of the play, who does Julia meet and characterize as “A virtuous gentlewoman, mild and beautiful!”



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