SCENE I. OLIVIA'S garden.
[Enter VIOLA, and CLOWN with a tabor.]
Save thee, friend, and thy music! dost thou live by thy tabor?
No, sir, I live by the church.
Art thou a churchman?
No such matter, sir: I do live by the church; for I do live at my
house, and my house doth stand by the church.
So thou mayst say, the king lies by a beggar, if a beggar dwell
near him; or the church stands by thy tabor, if thy tabor stand
by the church.
You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is but a cheveril
glove to a good wit; how quickly the wrong side may be turn'd
Nay, that's certain; they that dally nicely with words may
quickly make them wanton.
I would, therefore, my sister had had no name, sir.
Why, sir, her name's a word; and to dally with that word might
make my sister wanton. But, indeed, words are very rascals since
bonds disgrac'd them.
Thy reason, man?
Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words; and words are
grown so false, I am loth to prove reason with them.
I warrant thou art a merry fellow, and car'st for nothing.
Not so, sir; I do care for something; but in my conscience, sir,
I do not care for you: if that be to care for nothing, sir, I
would it would make you invisible.
Art not thou the Lady Olivia's fool?
No, indeed, sir; the Lady Olivia has no folly: she will keep no
fool, sir, till she be married; and fools are as like husbands as
pilchards are to herrings, the husband's the bigger. I am,
indeed, not her fool, but her corrupter of words.
I saw thee late at the Count Orsino's.
Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun, it shines
everywhere. I would be sorry, sir, but the fool should be as oft
with your master as with my mistress. I think I saw your
Nay, and thou pass upon me, I'll no more with thee. Hold,
there's expenses for thee.
Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard!
By my troth, I'll tell thee, I am almost sick for one; [Aside]
though I would not have it grow on my chin. Is thy lady within?
Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?
Yes, being kept together and put to use.
I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to bring a Cressida
to this Troilus.
I understand you, sir; 't is well begg'd.
The matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but a beggar.
Cressida was a beggar. My lady is within, sir. I will construe to
them whence you come; who you are and what you would are out of
my welkin, — I might say 'element,' but the word is over-worn.
This fellow is wise enough to play the fool;
And to do that well craves a kind of wit:
He must observe their mood on whom he jests,
The quality of persons, and the time;
And, like the haggard, check at every feather
That comes before his eye. This is a practice
As full of labour as a wise man's art:
For folly that he wisely shows is fit;
But wise men, folly-fall'n, quite taint their wit.
[Enter SIR TOBY and SIR ANDREW.]
Save you, gentleman!
And you, sir.
Dieu vous garde, monsieur.
Et vous aussi; votre serviteur.
I hope, sir, you are; and I am yours.
Will you encounter the house? my niece is desirous you should
enter, if your trade be to her.
I am bound to your niece, sir; I mean, she is the list of my
Taste your legs, sir; put them to motion.
My legs do better understand me, sir, than I understand what you
mean by bidding me taste my legs.