Much Ado About Nothing By William Shakespeare Act III: Scene 3

DOGBERRY.
Five shillings to one on't, with any man that knows the statutes, he
may stay him: marry, not without the prince be willing; for, indeed,
the watch ought to offend no man, and it is an offence to stay a man
against his will.

VERGES.
By'r lady, I think it be so.

DOGBERRY.
Ha, ah, ha! Well, masters, good night: an there be any matter of weight
chances, call up me: keep your fellows' counsels and your own, and good
night. Come, neighbour.

SECOND WATCH.
Well, masters, we hear our charge: let us go sit here upon the
church-bench till two, and then all to bed.

DOGBERRY.
One word more, honest neighbours. I pray you, watch about Signior
Leonato's door; for the wedding being there to-morrow, there is a great
coil to-night.
Adieu; be vigitant, I beseech you.

[Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES.]

[Enter BORACHIO and CONRADE.]

BORACHIO.
What, Conrade!

WATCH.
[Aside.] Peace! stir not.

BORACHIO.
Conrade, I say!

CONRADE.
Here, man. I am at thy elbow.

BORACHIO.
Mass, and my elbow itched; I thought there would a scab follow.

CONRADE.
I will owe thee an answer for that; and now forward with thy tale.

BORACHIO.
Stand thee close then under this penthouse, for it drizzles rain,
and I will, like a true drunkard, utter all to thee.

WATCH.
[Aside.] Some treason, masters; yet stand close.

BORACHIO.
Therefore know, I have earned of Don John a thousand ducats.

CONRADE.
Is it possible that any villany should be so dear?

BORACHIO.
Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any villany should be
so rich; for when rich villains have need of poor ones, poor ones may
make what price they will.

CONRADE.
I wonder at it.

BORACHIO.
That shows thou art unconfirmed. Thou knowest that the fashion of
a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is nothing to a man.

CONRADE.
Yes, it is apparel.

BORACHIO.
I mean, the fashion.

CONRADE.
Yes, the fashion is the fashion.

BORACHIO.
Tush! I may as well say the fool's the fool. But seest thou not what
a deformed thief this fashion is?

WATCH.
[Aside.] I know that Deformed; a' bas been a vile thief this seven
years; a' goes up and down like a gentleman: I remember his name.

BORACHIO.
Didst thou not hear somebody?

CONRADE.
No: 'twas the vane on the house.

BORACHIO.
Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief this fashion is? how
giddily he turns about all the hot bloods between fourteen and
five-and-thirty? sometime fashioning them like Pharaoh's soldiers
in the reechy painting; sometime like god Bel's priests in the old
church-window; sometime like the shaven Hercules in the smirched
worm-eaten tapestry, where his codpiece seems as massy as his club?

CONRADE.
All this I see, and I see that the fashion wears out more apparel than
the man. But art not thou thyself giddy with the fashion too, that
thou hast shifted out of thy tale into telling me of the fashion?

BORACHIO.
Not so neither; but know, that I have to-night wooed Margaret, the
Lady Hero's gentlewoman, by the name of Hero: she leans me out at her
mistress' chamber-window, bids me a thousand times good night, — I
tell this tale vilely: — I should first tell thee how the prince,
Claudio, and my master, planted and placed and possessed by my master
Don John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiable encounter.

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