King Henry IV, Part 1 By William Shakespeare Act III: Scene 3

HOST.
My lord, I pray you, hear me.

PRINCE.
What say'st thou, Mistress Quickly? How doth thy husband? I love
him well; he is an honest man.

HOST.
Good my lord, hear me.

FAL.
Pr'ythee, let her alone, and list to me.

PRINCE.
What say'st thou, Jack?

FAL.
The other night I fell asleep here behind the arras, and had my
pocket pick'd: this house is turn'd bawdy-house; they pick pockets.

PRINCE.
What didst thou lose, Jack?

FAL.
Wilt thou believe me, Hal? three or four bonds of forty pound
a-piece and a seal-ring of my grandfather's.

PRINCE.
A trifle, some eight-penny matter.

HOST.
So I told him, my lord; and I said I heard your Grace say so;
and, my lord, he speaks most vilely of you, like a foul-mouth'd
man as he is; and said he would cudgel you.

PRINCE.
What! he did not?

HOST.
There's neither faith, truth, nor womanhood in me else.

FAL.
There's no more faith in thee than in a stew'd prune; nor no more
truth in thee than in a drawn fox; and, for woman-hood, Maid Marian
may be the deputy's wife of the ward to thee. Go, you thing, go.

HOST.
Say, what thing? what thing? I am an honest man's wife: and,
setting thy knighthood aside, thou art a knave to call me so.

FAL.
Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast to say otherwise.

HOST.
Say, what beast, thou knave, thou?

FAL.
What beast! why, an otter.

PRINCE.
An otter, Sir John, why an otter?

FAL.
Why, she's neither fish nor flesh; a man knows not where to have
her.

HOST.
Thou art an unjust man in saying so; thou or any man knows where
to have me, thou knave, thou!

PRINCE.
Thou say'st true, hostess; and he slanders thee most grossly.

HOST.
So he doth you, my lord; and said this other day you ought him a
thousand pound.

PRINCE.
Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound?

FAL.
A thousand pound, Hal! a million: thy love is worth a million;
thou owest me thy love.

HOST.
Nay, my lord, he call'd you Jack, and said he would cudgel you.

FAL.
Did I, Bardolph?

BARD.
Indeed, Sir John, you said so.

FAL.
Yea, if he said my ring was copper.

PRINCE.
I say 'tis copper: darest thou be as good as thy word now?

FAL.
Why, Hal, thou know'st, as thou art but man, I dare; but as thou
art prince, I fear thee as I fear the roaring of the lion's whelp.

PRINCE.
And why not as the lion?

FAL.
The King himself is to be feared as the lion: dost thou think I'll
fear thee as I fear thy father? nay, an I do, I pray God my girdle
break.

PRINCE.
Sirrah, there's no room for faith, truth, nor honesty in this
bosom of thine; it is all fill'd up with midriff.
Charge an honest woman with picking thy pocket! why, thou whoreson,
impudent, emboss'd rascal, if there were anything in thy pocket but
tavern-reckonings, and one poor pennyworth of sugar-candy to make thee
long-winded, — if thy pocket were enrich'd with any other injuries but
these, I am a villain: and yet you will stand to it; you will not
pocket-up wrong. Art thou not ashamed!

FAL.
Dost thou hear, Hal? thou know'st, in the state of innocency Adam fell;
and what should poor Jack Falstaff do in the days of villainy?
Thou see'st I have more flesh than another man; and therefore more
frailty. You confess, then, you pick'd my pocket?

PRINCE.

It appears so by the story.

FAL.
Hostess, I forgive thee: go, make ready breakfast; love thy husband,
look to thy servants, cherish thy guests: thou shalt find me tractable
to any honest reason; thou see'st I am pacified. — Still? Nay, pr'ythee,
be gone.

[Exit Hostess.]

Now, Hal, to the news at Court: for the robbery, lad, how is
that answered?

PRINCE.
O, my sweet beef, I must still be good angel to thee: the money
is paid back again.

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