Don Juan By Lord Byron Canto VII

But from the river the town 's open quite,
  Because the Turks could never be persuaded
A Russian vessel e'er would heave in sight;
  And such their creed was, till they were invaded,
When it grew rather late to set things right.
  But as the Danube could not well be waded,
They look'd upon the Muscovite flotilla,
And only shouted, 'Allah!' and 'Bis Millah!'

The Russians now were ready to attack:
  But oh, ye goddesses of war and glory!
How shall I spell the name of each Cossacque
  Who were immortal, could one tell their story?
Alas! what to their memory can lack?
  Achilles' self was not more grim and gory
Than thousands of this new and polish'd nation,
Whose names want nothing but — pronunciation.

Still I 'll record a few, if but to increase
  Our euphony: there was Strongenoff, and Strokonoff,
Meknop, Serge Lwow, Arsniew of modern Greece,
  And Tschitsshakoff, and Roguenoff, and Chokenoff,
And others of twelve consonants apiece;
  And more might be found out, if I could poke enough
Into gazettes; but Fame (capricious strumpet),
It seems, has got an ear as well as trumpet,

And cannot tune those discords of narration,
  Which may be names at Moscow, into rhyme;
Yet there were several worth commemoration,
  As e'er was virgin of a nuptial chime;
Soft words, too, fitted for the peroration
  Of Londonderry drawling against time,
Ending in 'ischskin,' 'ousckin,' 'iffskchy,' 'ouski:
Of whom we can insert but Rousamouski,

Scherematoff and Chrematoff, Koklophti,
  Koclobski, Kourakin, and Mouskin Pouskin,
All proper men of weapons, as e'er scoff'd high
  Against a foe, or ran a sabre through skin:
Little cared they for Mahomet or Mufti,
  Unless to make their kettle-drums a new skin
Out of their hides, if parchment had grown dear,
And no more handy substitute been near.

Then there were foreigners of much renown,
  Of various nations, and all volunteers;
Not fighting for their country or its crown,
  But wishing to be one day brigadiers;
Also to have the sacking of a town, —
  A pleasant thing to young men at their years.
'Mongst them were several Englishmen of pith,
Sixteen call'd Thomson, and nineteen named Smith.

Jack Thomson and Bill Thomson; all the rest
  Had been call'd 'Jemmy,' after the great bard;
I don't know whether they had arms or crest,
  But such a godfather 's as good a card.
Three of the Smiths were Peters; but the best
  Amongst them all, hard blows to inflict or ward,
Was he, since so renown'd 'in country quarters
At Halifax;' but now he served the Tartars.

The rest were jacks and Gills and Wills and Bills;
  But when I 've added that the elder jack Smith
Was born in Cumberland among the hills,
  And that his father was an honest blacksmith,
I 've said all I know of a name that fills
  Three lines of the despatch in taking 'Schmacksmith,'
A village of Moldavia's waste, wherein
He fell, immortal in a bulletin.

I wonder (although Mars no doubt 's a god
  Praise) if a man's name in a bulletin
May make up for a bullet in his body?
  I hope this little question is no sin,
Because, though I am but a simple noddy,
  I think one Shakspeare puts the same thought in
The mouth of some one in his plays so doting,
Which many people pass for wits by quoting.

Then there were Frenchmen, gallant, young, and gay:
  But I 'm too great a patriot to record
Their Gallic names upon a glorious day;
  I 'd rather tell ten lies than say a word
Of truth; — such truths are treason; they betray
  Their country; and as traitors are abhorr'd
Who name the French in English, save to show
How Peace should make John Bull the Frenchman's foe.

The Russians, having built two batteries on
  An isle near Ismail, had two ends in view;
The first was to bombard it, and knock down
  The public buildings and the private too,
No matter what poor souls might be undone.
  The city's shape suggested this, 't is true;
Form'd like an amphitheatre, each dwelling
Presented a fine mark to throw a shell in.

The second object was to profit by
  The moment of the general consternation,
To attack the Turk's flotilla, which lay nigh
  Extremely tranquil, anchor'd at its station:
But a third motive was as probably
  To frighten them into capitulation;
A phantasy which sometimes seizes warriors,
Unless they are game as bull-dogs and fox-terriers.

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