The Merry Wives of Windsor By William Shakespeare Act II: Scene 3

ACT II. SCENE 3. A field near Windsor.

[Enter CAIUS and RUGBY.]

CAIUS.
Jack Rugby!

RUGBY.
Sir?

CAIUS.
Vat is de clock, Jack?

RUGBY.
'Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet.

CAIUS.
By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he has pray his
Pible vell dat he is no come: by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead
already, if he be come.

RUGBY.
He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill him if he came.

CAIUS.
By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him. Take your
rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.

RUGBY.
Alas, sir, I cannot fence!

CAIUS.
Villany, take your rapier.

RUGBY.
Forbear; here's company.

[Enter HOST, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE.]

HOST.
Bless thee, bully doctor!

SHALLOW.
Save you, Master Doctor Caius!

PAGE.
Now, good Master Doctor!

SLENDER.
Give you good morrow, sir.

CAIUS.
Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?

HOST.
To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse; to see
thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock,
thy reverse, thy distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian?
Is he dead, my Francisco? Ha, bully! What says my Aesculapius?
my Galen? my heart of elder? Ha! is he dead, bully stale? Is he
dead?

CAIUS.
By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de world; he is not show
his face.

HOST.
Thou art a Castalion King Urinal! Hector of Greece, my boy!

CAIUS.
I pray you, bear witness that me have stay six or seven, two, tree
hours for him, and he is no come.

SHALLOW.
He is the wiser man, Master doctor: he is a curer of souls, and you
a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of
your professions. Is it not true, Master Page?

PAGE.
Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now
a man of peace.

SHALLOW.
Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if
I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one. Though we are
justices, and doctors, and churchmen, Master Page, we have some
salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page.

PAGE.
'Tis true, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW.
It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor Caius, I come to
fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace; you have showed yourself
a wise physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise and
patient churchman. You must go with me, Master Doctor.

HOST.
Pardon, guest-justice. — A word, Monsieur Mockwater.

CAIUS.
Mock-vater! Vat is dat?

HOST.
Mockwater, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.

CAIUS.
By gar, then I have as much mockvater as de Englishman. — Scurvy
jack-dog priest! By gar, me vill cut his ears.

HOST.
He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.

CAIUS.
Clapper-de-claw! Vat is dat?

HOST.
That is, he will make thee amends.

CAIUS.
By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me; for, by gar, me
vill have it.

HOST.
And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag.

CAIUS.
Me tank you for dat.

HOST.
And, moreover, bully — but first: Master guest, and Master Page,
and eke Cavaliero Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore.

[Aside to them.]

PAGE.
Sir Hugh is there, is he?

HOST.
He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will bring the
doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?

SHALLOW.
We will do it.

PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER.
Adieu, good Master Doctor.

[Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER.]

CAIUS.
By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape
to Anne Page.

HOST.
Let him die. Sheathe thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler;
go about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will bring thee
where Mistress Anne Page is, at a farm-house a-feasting; and thou
shalt woo her. Cried I aim? Said I well?

CAIUS.
By gar, me tank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall
procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de
gentlemen, my patients.

HOST.
For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne Page: said I well?

CAIUS.
By gar, 'tis good; vell said.

HOST.
Let us wag, then.

CAIUS.
Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.

[Exeunt.]

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