Sethe contemplates the paradox of Beloved's death. In her musings, Sethe declares that "if I hadn't killed her she would have died and that is something I could not bear to happen to her." A mixture of motherhood images roils in Sethe's tangled internal monologue. She recalls Nan nursing her with the milk left over from the "whitebabies." She thinks about herself tenderly caring for Mrs. Garner during her bout with a grotesque throat tumor. She also contemplates her marriage to Halle.
In one of her frequent, minor epiphanies, Sethe praises herself for what she has accomplished. "I lasted," she boasts, "And my girl come home."
Sethe displays unusual rebellion for an ex-slave as she takes stock of what her choices have brought her. Late to work for the first time in 16 years, she testily rebukes her boss Sawyer, risking the loss of a job with one of the few people willing to hire an ex-con. For the first time, she comprehends Baby Suggs's preoccupation with color and realizes that the freedom to contemplate "what the sun is doing to the day" is a benchmark in an ex-slave's life. Sethe remarks that she also understands why Baby Suggs didn't want "to get to red" — the color that covered Sethe's dying baby.
