Thoreau's idealism strained his relationships. Emerson wrote in his eulogy that "no equal companion stood in affectionate relations with one so pure and guileless," and went so far as to comment, "I think the severity of his ideal interfered to deprive him of a healthy sufficiency of human society." Moreover, there was an offputting thorniness to Thoreau's personality. Elizabeth Hoar said of him (as recorded in Emerson's journal and later incorporated into the eulogy), "I love Henry, but do not like him." Some of Thoreau's journal entries show a clear perception of the conflict between his need for friendship and closeness and his tendency toward disappointment with actual relationships. The fact that he never married (although he proposed once) likely indicates some level of understanding that his idealism worked against long-term intimacy.
Emerson wrote of Thoreau's combativeness in a June 1853 journal entry, later revised in the eulogy:
There was somewhat military in his nature not to be subdued [the words "stubborn and implacable" are found in the journal entry]; always manly and able, but rarely tender, as if he did not feel himself except in opposition. He wanted a fallacy to expose, a blunder to pillory . . . a little sense of victory . . . to call his powers into full exercise. It cost him nothing to say No; indeed, he found it much easier than to say Yes. It seemed as if his first instinct on hearing a proposition was to controvert it, so impatient was he of the limitations of our daily thought. This habit, of course, is a little chilling to the social affections…
Emerson's comments cannot be accepted as unbiased. To some extent, they were written in an attempt to rationalize the failure of a friendship. Others were less harsh in their judgment of Thoreau. While living in the Old Manse in Concord (1842–1845), Nathaniel Hawthorne — no extrovert himself — enjoyed Thoreau's company. When Thoreau informed him of his plan to go to Staten Island in 1843, Hawthorne wrote in his journal (later published as The American Notebooks), "I should like to have him remain here." In "The Forester," Bronson Alcott called Thoreau "the most welcome of companions." But Emerson's assessment influenced opinion regarding Thoreau's character and, indirectly, his writings.
