In the very first chapter of The Secret Life of Bees, Lily describes her mother, beginning what will be an overarching theme throughout the novel. Lily suffers tremendous guilt for killing her mother, and at night she dreams of dying, meeting her mother in heaven, and asking for her forgiveness. Lily has little doubt that her mother will kiss her and forgive her for 10,000 years.
Later in the novel, when August tells Lily about Deborah, Lily becomes irate about her mother's abandonment. Lily can't grasp the concept of a nervous breakdown; all she hears is that her mother left her to come to August's house. She isn't ready to let her mother off the hook, forgiving her for seeking her own health first and leaving Lily with T. Ray.
Lily goes back to the honey house and throws jars of honey against the wall, making a huge mess but letting out her anger. She doesn't want to forgive her mother because Lily has been wallowing in her victimhood. She also doesn't want to let go of the romantic pictures she has created of her mother.
In Chapter 14, Lily is mulling over what August has told her about her mother. She vacillates between being angry at her mother for leaving on the one hand, and better understanding her mother's motives on the other. Lily ponders the idea of why it is so difficult for people to forgive.
There is someone else Lily must forgive: herself. Lily's first reaction, when August tells her Deborah married T. Ray because she was pregnant with Lily, is that it was all her fault that Deborah was saddled with such a terrible husband. Then, when Lily tells August her story about how she happened to come to the Boatright house, she explains with tears and sorrow that she loathes herself and is a worthless person who isn't worthy of love. Before she can become whole and love herself, Lily must forgive herself for killing her mother, and she must understand that this was an accident that she can't go back and fix. She has to go on, realizing she is a human being worthy of love.
Lily comes close to forgiving her father at the end of the novel, when she chooses to stay with the Boatrights. She sees what an unhappy man he is and how his pride has been broken by her mother's abandonment. She understands how much he loved her mother, and although she chooses to stay with the Boatrights, her understanding of her father is a first step toward forgiveness.
