the village matchmaker came to my family when I was just two years old . . . Many generations ago, most marriages were arranged without the consent of the man and woman involved. The rise of a strong middle class, however, and the growth of democracy gradually brought tolerance for romantic marriages, based on free choice of the partners involved. Nonetheless, arranged marriages are still common in some cultures today, including some Indian cultures and aristocratic families. The most extreme application of the custom of arranged marriages was in pre-revolutionary China; then, a bride and groom often met for the first time on their wedding day.
The candle was a marriage bond that . . . meant I couldn't divorce and I couldn't ever remarry, even if Tyan-yu died. The traditional Asian value placed on marriage is illustrated in the customs surrounding its dissolution. When one partner dies, for example, widowers and widows must often wait a prescribed time before remarrying; they must also wear mourning clothing and perform ceremonial duties for the dead. While many cultures permit divorce, in some societies divorce is uncommon because it requires the repayment of dowries or other monetary or material exchanges in order to prevent the violation of religious laws. In pre-revolutionary China, women were never allowed to remarry, even if their husbands died.
When I turned sixteen on the lunar new year . . . Traditionally, Chinese people reckon their birthdays on the new year. Everyone becomes a year older on the day of the New Year—not on the day they were born. For Chinese people, the year, rather than the month in which a person is born, is important because the Chinese zodiac cycle changes each year.
