The Bell Jar

Esther says that she is not practical. But does she try to be? Why not look for a boyfriend who is suitable? Does Esther, indeed, ever ask herself what kind of man would be best for her? She has not learned to do any of the choosing. Instead, she is always too concerned about how men look. And, with her sharp scrutiny, she always finds something wrong — Constantin, for example, is too short; Buddy becomes repulsively fat when he is ill. Clearly, Esther is very dissatisfied with herself. She makes lists of all the things she can't do. Her disappointments always lead her back to her shattered visions. She decides that if she expects nothing, she will not be disappointed. Is it to be all or nothing for her? Thinking that the era of winning prizes is over for her, Esther can do nothing except focus on her social (real and imagined) failures. She is easily embarrassed. She has a "sickness of the will," because when she sees any small defect in herself, she sees it as being something monumentally wrong with her. She can be witty and clever, and insightful about her situation, but she cannot respond with real laughter or wisdom. Thus she is being driven more and more, by society and her own character and actions, into alienation, into real, physical sickness. She is letting her trivial disappointments poison her, and she is becoming duller and duller because she cannot choose, cannot say no, and cannot speak out. She is overstuffed on her successes and her dreams, and she needs the purgative of reality and humor. Instead, she will be assaulted with more of New York City and the cruel summer of 1953.