At this point, Joan appears with a letter from Buddy Willard. But Esther has already received a letter too. Joan liked the Willards, but she stopped seeing Buddy's parents when Buddy started to date Esther. Esther thinks of telling Buddy that there is no one else — that he is simply the wrong one. We wonder if she has the strength to reject Buddy since having a boyfriend is so important to her.
Esther recounts the morning scene when she accidentally walked in on Joan and DeeDee in a lesbian embrace. Here, we learn that Joan has been Esther's "secret sharer," but now Esther discusses with Dr. Nolan the fact that she can't understand homosexuality. She remembers a similar incident at college, and then she also recalls that when she told a female classical scholar that she might want to have children, this professor protested, "What about your career?"
Esther is clearly having many doubts and conflicts about her female role, but instead of thinking about that, she just goes and tells Joan that she doesn't like her and that Joan makes her sick. The resolution, for the time being, is a visit to a gynecologist in order to purchase a diaphram. Dr. Nolan has referred her to a doctor after a discussion with Esther about chastity, the subject of an article written by a woman lawyer. Dr. Nolan says that this is all propaganda, and she tries to help Esther to gain some sense of freedom. Esther thinks if she does not have the notion of a baby hanging over her head like the blade of a guillotine, she can be as sexually free as a man; she will finally be able to get well. So Esther gets her diaphram, and she thinks that all she has to do is find the right man to aid her in getting rid of her virginity, as if her illness were caused by that.
