The controlling theme of Missing May is grief and the grieving process. Grief is the natural reaction to loss; it is a universal experience encountered many times throughout a person's life. May's death was a physical, or tangible, loss for Ob and Summer. According to Summer, "all Ob and me wanted to do when we lost May was hold onto each other and wail in that trailer for days and days." They weren't able to do that because "there are certain ways people expect you to grieve." Summer and Ob had a funeral ritual for May and acted "proper" in front of relatives and people they didn't even know. After the funeral, Ob and Summer began the grieving process in their own way and time.
One way to understand the grieving process is to view it as tasks or stages that people move through after they have experienced a loss. At first, they must accept the reality of the loss. To deal with the loss, people might choose isolation or denial. Both Summer and Ob chose denial. Summer denied her feelings related to May's death and absence.
She attempted to fill May's shoes. The responsibility of taking care of Ob kept her occupied, so she didn't have to deal with her feelings about the loss of May. After May died, Ob denied that she was really gone. He felt her presence and believed she was with them.
The next task or stage has to do with experiencing the pain or grief. Summer did not experience the pain of May's death until the night they returned home from their journey to Putnam County. She saw an owl and was reminded of May. Summer cried until "[her] body was emptied of those tears and [she] was [no longer] burdened." Ob experienced the pain of May's death by becoming depressed. He didn't feel he had a reason to live without May. He struggled to get out of bed each day and one day he didn't even get dressed; he stayed in his pajamas. After Summer and Ob experienced their grief, they were able to accept May's death and look forward to adjusting to life without May.
