I rushed to the mirror in absolute terror. It was Hyde whom I saw. Somehow, during the night, my body chemistry had reversed itself, and the evil Hyde had taken possession of me. I had no alternative but to dash through the courtyard and the corridors and see one of my servants look in wonder at Hyde's appearance in my house at such an early hour.
Ten minutes later, I was Jekyll again. I made a pretense of eating breakfast, but I was not hungry. I feared that I was losing the power to choose when I wished to change myself into Hyde. Hyde was now making that decision. Accordingly, it became necessary for me to double, then triple, the dosage of the drug in order to keep Hyde in check. And not knowing what side effects the drug might have, I knew that I was risking death. But I had no choice. I had to control Hyde. My "better" self was losing not only the power to return to its former self, but I realized that I, Jekyll, was losing the will to do so. Soon I was faced with a dilemma. Which person did I want to be ? The free, conscience-less Hyde? Or the "good," suppressed Doctor Jekyll? If I remained Jekyll forever, I could never more enjoy the depravities that Hyde gorged himself on. I would be, once more, a good man, but I would be a sterile shell of a man, constantly fighting the fires of temptation because I had tasted — and reveled in — sin, with no remorse or shame.
Rationally, I chose to remain Jekyll, and I said farewell, I thought, to the secret pleasures of the free soul, Edward Hyde. But my decision wasn't one of total commitment. I didn't do away with Hyde's apartment or his clothes — despite the fact that for two months, I led an exemplary life. Then, without warning one day, I was tortured with throbbing knots of lust and depravity. Hyde was struggling to be released. And in a moment of weakness, I gave him his freedom. I drank the potion and once more, Edward Hyde was freed. He had been caged for so long that he came out roaring, and one of his first acts was to savagely murder Sir Danvers Carew.
