I was born [writes Jekyll] to a wealthy family and, after a good education, I gained the respect of all who knew me. I seemed to be guaranteed an honorable and distinguished future. If I had any single, serious flaw, it was that I was perhaps inclined to be a bit too spirited. Other people admired my light-hearted good nature, but personally, I was annoyed by it. I preferred to present an unchanging seriousness to the public. For that reason, I willfully decided to conceal all my pleasures. Now, years later, I realize that my life has been an admirable one, but it has certainly been a fraudulent one. No one but me knows my true nature. All these years, the public has seen only a veneer of my real self. No one could guess what degrading things I have done secretly, things which I must say in all honesty, I enjoyed very much. And yet I do not consider myself a hypocrite, for man has a dual nature. The professional, respectable side of my character is as much a part of me as is the side that has enjoyed to the fullest my secret "irregularities."
Because I knew, first-hand, about my own--and man's--dual nature, my medical studies began to increasingly focus on the origins and dimensions of this phenomenon of duality. This investigation, of course, bordered on the mystical and the transcendental, but only these disciplines could help me better understand myself and the duality of all human beings.
What I hoped to do, eventually, was to separate these two sides of a person's character. I reasoned with myself that if I could do this, then I could eradicate the unhappiness that exists in the "darker self," the self that so often makes life seem unbearable. I saw my quest as humanistic, for if I achieved my goal, man might walk more securely "on the upward path" and no longer be exposed to the disgrace of evil.
To me, the curse of mankind seemed to be that man should have two separate natures within himself, forces which were continually struggling with one another. Thus, I began to speculate that our so-called "solid" body might not be so solid, after all. If one could find the physical or psychic membrane that bound our duality, it would be possible to sever it. But because I attempted to rid man of "the bad seed" that resides in him, I find now to my sorrow that such a task is impossible. My discovery remains incomplete. I feel now that man is doomed to lead a life which will always be a life of burden.
However, I tell myself, I tried to remove that burden, and I was able to discover a drug that could extract the "lower elements" of myself. Moreover, I was able to look upon this "self" and see that it, while ignoble, was a part of myself, therefore "natural."
I want you to know that I did nothing rashly. I attempted my experiment only after much consideration, for I knew that I was risking death by using so potent a drug as I had devised. But it was my extreme scientific curiosity that tempted me to try and reach into the unknown and shatter the theory that man was indivisible. I was sure that human beings had at least two distinct entities--a good self and an evil self. My task was to use my body for my experiment and try to extract my "evil" self.
I well remember the night I took the potion. I had bought a large quantity of a particular salt that I knew would be the key catalyst; I mixed it with the other ingredients and watched them boil and smoke and then, summoning up all the courage I had, I drank the potion. It began working almost immediately: A grinding tore at my bones, I was racked with deadly nausea, and when my mind cleared, I felt strangely younger, lighter, and happier. I felt newborn, and, above all, absolutely free! I had no conscience. I was evil and wicked with no constraints.
I stretched my hands out in joy and was suddenly aware that not only had I changed inwardly, but that I had changed physically. I had become stunted. Desperately, I sought a mirror and dashed from the laboratory, ran across the courtyard and into my bedroom, where there was a mirror. There, for the first time, I saw my evil side, Edward Hyde, sickly and deformed, despite the fact that I seemingly felt younger and happier. I realized, of course, that my "professional" self had been rigorously trained. This "side" of myself which I now saw had been kept secret for many, many years in the dark cellar of my soul. No wonder it looked sickly and less developed. Studying Hyde's face in the mirror, I was horrified to recall the aura of "goodness" that continually emanated from Jekyll's face, whereas evil positively colored the entire countenance of Edward Hyde. Yet I was not entirely repelled by what I saw, for this was me, or at least a part of me. What I saw in the mirror seemed natural and human.
